Confused

Source: Google Images

There are times in your life when you've no idea what you're doing. There's this strong urge to drop everything you're doing and run somewhere far away. Somewhere where you're aware of yourself and what you really want. Somewhere where things are not so confusing. You don't have to live up to any body's expectations. When you start living for someone else's expectations ..you forget your OWN.

 I have no idea as to what am I doing. Some days I dream about success and how I am going to achieve everything that I've dreamt about. Some days I question my own abilities to do so. I feel like I am going to be such a failure to people who have these high expectations of me. And I fear to think what if it comes true and what my next step will be.

 I want to freeze time. Stop the inevitable. But I cannot . I am helpless to my own self. These what ifs  keep running around my head. I have no idea. I hate that I have no idea. My days are spent worrying instead of acting on the problem.

But I can't help it. It feels like I am drowning under things I don't want to do. It's like I am content with drowning but I am forced to come up for air even when I don't want to. It barely feels like I am living. I am just surviving. I feel like I am gonna loose out on everything I have wanted to do. I don't blame anyone for this though. I don't even blame myself. Because I am saving that blame for the future when it's gonna be needed.

But you know the irony? These exact thoughts make me want to work hard. Prove to myself that I can achieve whatever I want. If I have dared to dream then I need to act it out too. Work Hard to stand up in my own eyes. The girl who refused to prove herself  to anyone except herself. I am my self's biggest competition.
Competition to be better than I was yesterday.